last night i made gravy the way my grandma taught me
cooked some onions and peppers down in cast iron pot until they were done
covered some top round steak in flour and salt and pepper
added oil, fried it in the cast iron pot, flipped it once.
turned the stove down to low
put some flour in the pot, a little water, stirred like a maniac for a few minutes or maybe ten until the roux was brown
added a little evaporated milk that had been sitting in the fridge too long

it was so delicious and reminded me of lunchtime when i was a kid
in elementary school i would walk to her house for lunch
sit at her tiny lovely kitchen table and she would cook meat and onions
and put a potato in the microwave, or maybe i’m making that last part up.
sometimes i would bring a friend and there would always be enough
get a jar of peaches from the root cellar for dessert
(the root cellar was literally underneath the kitchen floor).

i’ve been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately
the way she would wash her hair with raw egg and oil in the kitchen sink
so it would be shiny for church.
she would slip me a twenty for mowing the lawn with strict orders not to tell my mom
she would crochet these intricate collars for her shirts to make them pretty, she loved pretty things and i am not sure anyone saved any of those crocheted collars.
i miss her.