[about me]
so, who am i? i’m a pretty-smart working-class kid from the sticks of the northwest, who has somehow been lucky enough to escape the near-beer un-idealistic halls of science with most teeth intact. i geek. i teach. i write. i bike to work and make fun of people driving in rush hour traffic. i listen to music that you probably don’t. i’m part of food not bombs, and you should be too.
i’m an idealist. i believe in non-violence, but i understand that most successful non-violent movements have violent underground counterparts. i procrastinate everything, including this. i am not my fucking khakis. i don’t shop at walmart. i miss playing rugby, but i grew out of the absolutely apeshit-crazy parties. i study shaolin kung fu. i vote against things. i read ferociously. i spend most of my spare_change on records and books. i get bored with mundane conversation, and i’m getting worse at pretending like i’m not.
i want more tattoos.
i’m okay with being thirty+.
i’m as married as i’m going to get (neither the state or the church approves, but my relationship with emily is greater than either of those things).
i’m afraid of tornados and being bitten by a snake in the woods. i’m also scared of dying too soon, but i love taking calculated risks. i’ve walked outside during hurricane-strength winds, sat on a porch through a tornado a block away, and hiked solo. i’m almost certain i ran into eric rudolph in the backcountry of north carolina. i’ve been skydiving. i’ve lived in a school bus and once spent a week in a tent fashioned from black plastic garbage bags and duct tape. sometimes i miss being desperately poor.
i felt instantly at home when i stepped into the old abandoned ingall’s shipyard plant, and spent a bunch of time there before it was torn down. i miss that place. all that’s left are pictures (one of which is the header of this site). there’s something almost spiritual about exploring abandoned places, about finding beauty in rusted metal and discarded buildings…about knowing that no matter what, nature always wins.
I’ve come a long ways from when I first started putting my rants online. Ramen used to be a nutrition source, now it’s something I keep in the back of my cabinet “just in case” but never use. I’m in a good place right now: my car is paid off, I have great friends, I enjoy my job. I’m living consciously. Even still – unrest simmers beneath my skin…
I am an evolutionary failure. I was very sick in Feb. 2004. I had partial paralysis of my arms, legs, and the left hand side of my face. My palate froze, so I couldn’t speak. I lost my reflexes and sense of balance. If I had not been in the right place at the right time, I could have easily gone into repiratory failure. During all of this, I learned an enormous amount about myself, my friends, and how much I take for granted. I recovered very_quickly. I firmly believe that Toaist healing sounds work. I was very_lucky.
Your life really is worth everything, you know. Shit happens to everyone, every day, but great shit happens, too. Learn from all of it, and then get over yourself. Try everything once. Don’t live to be consumed. Don’t live to consume, either. Be an original failure. Exercise your brain. Listen to your body. Live for yourself and your own ideals – not for your country or your lover.
I’m sick of being defined by one adjective.
I’ve taken to watching televangelists and healers on mute. Their words and actions are like a narcotic, an irritant or a balm depending on my mood. I argue with AM radio talk show hosts after dark. It’s an either/or battle of wits.
I’m still really pissed off at the government, especially since they duped my brother into joining the navy with their shiny ads and sticky checks. We are fighting a war we had no business creating. When will people realize that you cannot legislate freedom? Or morality? Why are the masses of Christian conservatives poor and white? How can they feel more secure with Bush in office when their children are being sent to die?
I’m equally pissed off at the progressive movement, with their puppetry, online petitions, and fanatical faith in politicians who don’t have any interests at heart except their own. They are unconsciously playing the part that is expected of them. They are keeping the see-saw balanced, when they should be tilting it.
I look death in the face every day when I see that my co-worker is dying. She is very tired, and very weak, but she still comes in every day and moves around the office with a heaviness that cannot be lifted. I do not understand her sense of obligation, and yet I am not ready for her to leave.
My neighbor has a twenty-six year old cat. He is snow white with long unkempt fur and he thinks he owns the world. On the weekend I leave my door open and he walks in very purposefully, paying no mind to the residents, and eats. He leaves as simply as he came in, leaving the feline occupants of the house quite shaken. His defiance of death makes me smile.
I see a little of myself in everything.
epilogue: both the co-worker and the cat have passed. i’m still here.
