It has been a year of disasters so far, and late Saturday night I had a moment of clarity. I’ve spent far too long in my life preparing for (and worrying about) various permutations of all sorts of situations that I may or may not get in to. It’s time to stop that. I’m wasting too much energy trying to prepare for life, and not enough energy actually living it.
Category: daily
Mr. Matheny says:
i spent my entire life preparing and readying my life (often for other people) for… what?
i stopped doing it in 2001, after the period you recall me going through dec of 99 through beginning of 2000… in 2001 i had finally recovered and realized all of the preperations were for these reasons i didn’t even understand other than the obsessive need to not be taken off guard or to please others.
a few times i’ve actually seen a moment i prepared for… both good and bad. never with good results. The bad stuff wasn’t quite as bad as i imagined it would be and the ride toward it was much worse than the actual calamity. thus, not only did i still suffer the event but i ruined a lot of time beforehand preparing for that moment. how silly!
it is a lot like being a child at christmas. you get so wrapped up in the thought of this glorious day where you get That Toy You Need So Badly that when the day comes… you’re kind of dissapointed.
so to paraphrase my own gibberish: indeed, preparing, worrying and such can be a huge fucking wase of time and energy. if you can’t live in the now then you’re doing it wrong.