let me preface all of this by saying that there are a handful of people that i would die for. i know that sounds like some exaggerated bullshit, but i really mean it.
one of those people had a crazy ex shoot herself in the head *while being restrained by my friend*. and then, the crazy ex (after shooting herself) tried to shoot my friend’s current girlfriend. no, you’re right, i *couldn’t* make this up. you know what i am? helpless to have done anything about it, helpless to do anything about it now, beyond just letting both of them know i care about them deeply and that i am here.
then, another one of those people i would die for calls me in a panic, because he is sick. sick, as in can’t walk from one end of his shotgun apartment to the other, can’t talk to me on the phone without taking a breath every few words. he’s living below hand to mouth, no insurance, has a job waiting for him if he gets better in time. i tried to help but it didn’t work out. his lack of insurance combined with his complete distrust of the medical profession is resulting in a very difficult situation. i am reminded again how helpless i am in his situation, helpless in how fucking much i care for him, helpless to do anything that would really truly help. if he’s not better by tuesday i’m dragging his sparkly little ass to the free clinic.
i only slept about an hour last night, and i’ve been clandestinely crying all day. i am so tired.